Cyanide & Happiness Compilation – #1


*Muffled laughter* *plate shatters* -*Chuckles* Well son, are you ready to open your present? Whoa! *Tears wrapping paper* -Wha…?
-It’s your very own pony! Dad, you idiot!
I WANTED AN XBOX! *Grumbles* Nuh uh uh! Not so fast, son. This isn’t JUST a pony, for within this pony is the antidote. An antidote you ask? Why; the antidote for the POISON that was in your birthday cake! *Flickers lights and imitates thunder* *Sinister chuckle* Oh yes, that’s right son. You ate a poison! Now you get to choose either to kill the pony to retrieve the antidote, or spare the pony and let yourself DIE! The clock is ticking, birthday boy. *Maniacal laughter* Kill the pony! *Laughs* Yes, yeah son!
-*Screams and charges towards pony* *Sounds of stabbing, neighing horse* *Yelps and begins to sob* *Shuffles through horse’s organs* -*Running noises* Happy birthday, son! *Laughs* Well, it would seem that the lesson… …was more valuable than the present; ey, boy? *Opens fridge* Reach into the back; those are the freshest. I know, I know… *Grunts* Whoa! Okay, I got it. We’re going to need you to power down before takeoff. Thank you! *Attention sound* Welcome aboard Magic Airlines. This is your (uhh…) captain speaking. If you look down the aisle, you’ll see (uhh…) Cindy, who will be… …demonstrating for you the (uhh…) safety features we have on-board your flight. Emergency exits can be found at the front and rear of the plane. Please turn off all electronic devices during this time until it is safe. In case of an emergency, An oxygen mask will dispense from your overhead. To inflate your life preserver, pull on these doohickeys here. That oughta do it. Magic Airlines appreciates your attention; thank you. *Attention sound* Alright folks, buckle up, I hope you paid attention to our safety features on today’s flight, Because (uhh…) we’re gonna take a little pop quiz. *Plane splashes* “Crowd Gasps” *Screams of fear* *Metal clank, screams from climbers* There’s too much weight! I — I have to cut the rope! *stammers* I’m sorry! WAIT! Let me do it! Whoa! What the fuck, dude?! There’s too much weight; it has to be done. I’m sorry! What makes you think he can hold you?! Trust me, he can! He’s been working out! Tell him I’ve been working out! Well, if anything, can’t we cut the piano off? Huh. Yeah, that might actually be a good place to start. Whoa, whoa whoa! Slow down! Slow the fuck down! I didn’t come all the way to perform the first sonata… …at the summit of this mountain just to fall off and die! Are you fucking kidding me? I’m sorry, there’s no other way.
I..I’m so sorry… Your piano is just too heavy… Your mother’s too heavy! Hey!
-You take that back! Make me!
*begins to cut* I take it back!
*rock crumbles* Guys, I’m slipping! *Dramatic piano music* Haha, nice! Thank you!
-Seriously though, we’re all gonna die! Hold on! We’re…we’re gonna figure this out!!! If I may, if you’re still deciding that whole “where to cut the rope” thing, *chuckles* Um, pretty sure the guy below me is a pedophile. I’m a teacher; not a pedophile!!! This is a field trip; I’ve told you guys like nine times! Wait, there’s kids down there? We can’t kill kids! Not just that; they’re retarded kids!!! Oh, God!
-This is bad! This is really bad! Hey, uh… can we just cut off the panda bear?
-*Whimpers* I should think not! That’s an endangered species! Oh, okay. Hmm. (to all) What does everyone else think? Drop him.
-Ditto.
-Kill the panda! Cool; here ya go! Whoops! Well, this is it! *Sad piano music* It’s been an honor climbing with you guys! I’ll see you all in another life! *Music stops, snapping sound* *Multiple thuds and groans*
-that’s the knife. *Phone rings* Hi, this is Rod’s Thick Pizza. How do you want it? Hi there. I’m a real lonely girl, and I’m so hungry. I could take ALL the meat you have. Mmm… I think we could “do it” for you, Would you perhaps like a spicy mexican? Or a hot Italian sausage?… Ooh, I’ll take Italian, with extra sausage. Now ma’am, you know we only do it “deep”… I’m so ready!!! Mmm, good. I’ll be “coming” in thirty minutes. See you then. I’ll be waiting… *Doorbell rings* Hello ma’am, here’s your pizza!!! Aaaaand? Aaaaaand…that’ll be 12.95. “Shocking breath” *Laughing* “Panicked shout” Alright everyone!!! Let’s get moving!!! Single file, let’s go!!! *Screams* Sorry, we’re only evacuating woman and children first. Hey Hey..mom!! Whaaa. WHAAAA. Whaaaa whaaa! *Struggling Grunt* huuuu, huuuh!!! Alright, we have room for two more. Next. Wah. Ok, climb aboard. Ha, thank’s ma’am (Man voice)
No problem -Hehehey, alriiight! -Get this bra off me! *Chattering* *Crying* Doc, give me the good news! How’s my bundle of joy doing? (Low voice)
Hmm…No… No that’s…that’s not right at all… Oh no?…Is there something wrong? Uh… I’m sorry to tell you this, Miss McCloud but… I think you’re feelling what is called a “phantom pregnancy.” The symptoms you’re experiencing are psychosomatic… You simply aren’t pregnant.. WHAT?!! No that can’t be, i know that I’m pregnant i can feel it! Ma’am, I understand that this is very difficult news to hear… But I can assure you that you’re not pregant. -I’m so sorry, I can’t ima…
-wuuuuUUUAAAAA I’M GOING INTO LABOUR!
AAAHHH Woah woah woah woah, wait, wai..wait, what? How can that happ…
Oh o.. o.. ok um… Take deep breath Miss McCloud, uhh… Deep breaths… In, and out In, and out -Haaaaaaa!!!
-Ok you’re doing good -AAAAAAH!!!!!! IT HURTS!!
-Keep breathing -IT F*CKING HUUURTS!!!! You better watch you’re mouth Miss McCloud, you’re baby’s coming out swearin’ like a sailor! SHUT THE F*CK UP AND HELP ME!!!! Yes of course, Just keep pushing, and focus on the breathing, -Perfect, Just like that…
-AAAAAAAH -I think I can see it!
-HAAOOOooow SHIT! “Plop” I cannot believe it!!! It’s a boy!!! Well, Ms. McCloud, it seems I spoke too soon! You are now the proud mother of a bouncing baby bo….. M.. Miss McCloud? Okay, when we break the news to the kids, We need to do it in a way that doesn’t make one of us seem like “the bad guy.” We need to let them know that we still love them…we just don’t love each other. Yeah… you’re right. But, look, it’s okay, I’ll start the conversation… If they have any anger, it will be towards me. They can’t be mad forever. Really? Wow. Thank you Brad. That’s very mature of you. Well… they’ve always liked you more anyway… heh… Kiiiids, put you’re toys down for a minute. Your father and I… Your father and I have something to tell you… Kids, your mom and I love you, very much. So very much! You’re just the best kids in the gosh darn world, and we are so lucky to be your parents.. And that’s why, I’M RAISING YOUR ALLOWANCE BY FIVE WHOLE DOLLARS! (Both kids)
-Yeaaahhhh! What? -Thank you daddy!
-You’re the best dad ever. Brad? What are you doing? Kid’s, you’re not getting a bigger allowance. Your father and I are getting a divorce! WHAT??!! Noo!! M-Mom? Whyyy??!!! -Why are you doing this to us?
-Yeah mom, whyyyy? *Cries* You monster!!!!! “Neighing horse” “Country Music” Starly: Can I put it in your butt?
Starfy: Can you put it in my what? Starly: Can I put it in your butt?
Starfy: Can you put it in my what? Starly: Can I put it in your butt?
Starfy: Yes you can!
Starly: Thank you Starfy! Haaa… Pinocchio, you look marvelous. You almost look like a real boy… I wanna be a REAL doll! *Flute Music* *Drilling* “SMS” “whistle music” “Blink” “Whistle” “SMS” “Cash sound” “Whistle” “SMS” “Sad violin music” “Whistle” “SMS” “Whistle” “SMS” “Whistle” “SMS” “Suspense Music” Pfft… “Whistle” “Scream” “Sad piano music” *Whistle music* *Crying bird chirps*

100 comments on “Cyanide & Happiness Compilation – #1”

  1. leticia Oliveira says:

    Na verdade não é bom esse desenho não gostei

  2. Canard Boîteux says:

    The last is the best

  3. Riptide11206 says:

    Web wehhh what is the lesson

  4. lincee Sen says:

    What d Fuck was that in first video😡😡😡😡😡😡

  5. Mike fishead says:

    Hey dad calm down it's ok I'm here your son your just Hyerglycimic here take this it will help you calm down…….until you croak you twisted fuck oh yes I've been banging my step mom the Las 4 years.

  6. KOSKASOS OFFICIAL says:

    1:01 WHAT A HECK?! 4- YEARS NEVER WATCH omg babe kos scared😱😱😨😨

  7. KOSKASOS OFFICIAL says:

    4:09 FUCK?! WHAT U IS FOR KIDS OR TEENS?! OR PARENTS?!

  8. wub Prince Payot says:

    the baby wasn't the phantom

  9. Kehyani Smith says:

    Is this supposed to be fucked or funny

  10. griefit gaming says:

    What do the milks do with the humans

  11. Haydee Sese says:

    WHAT…..THE……?!?!?

  12. Nook Zalvidoz says:

    Whys her dad is evil???

  13. Jheerard June Libot says:

    The pregnancy scared me like hell

  14. Justine Navarra says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHJ

  15. velichko bondar says:

    0/100 compilation

  16. Tamara Gran says:

    Enfaite le père c saw

  17. John Robinson says:

    bull
    is
    cool

  18. John Robinson says:

    yy

  19. Milica Konstantinovic says:

    Who realieased the dildo dippers

  20. Floofer Jay says:

    The comp that started it all

  21. Ibrahim Albeelbisi says:

    what i dont understand is how is the milk gonna drink the human

  22. Ibrahim Albeelbisi says:

    and y does youtube not demonotise any of there vids?

  23. wearQUS says:

    Podaj Mi KuRWA TYpa Co ROBil PoLSkie NaPiSy!

  24. Lyric's King says:

    10:57 Ididnt get this!Can someone explain me what this is trying to say?Please help!

  25. Joseph Hernandez-Tovar says:

    /

  26. Bystander 101 says:

    15:26,😂

  27. Saihtam Srettaw says:

    15:57
    Ok one, that fact this guy is chill with having his… Ahem, junk that big is impressing. If that were me I'd be a little nervous as I can't stand having an erection in public.

  28. hot cheetos says:

    can i put it in your butt 🕺🏾🕺🏾

  29. Redstone Warrior says:

    The duet omfg wut

  30. gaming with jay says:

    What the fuck

  31. FORTNITE LOVER says:

    What the crap was that?! The first part…it’s….it’s….

  32. Febriza Indah says:

    ngakak caption indo nya

  33. Dwayne Gordon says:

    Lol how did the xbox get in the horse

  34. Dwayne Gordon says:

    But I feel sorry for the horse

  35. Sunita Panwar says:

    This is euuuuu 🤢🤢🤢

  36. Phell Adriano says:

    Haha can i put in your but

  37. Maxim Olehash says:

    "You take that back!"
    "Make me!"
    *starts to cut the rope*
    "I take it back!"

  38. Shem Salas says:

    12:40 😐 thats wierd

  39. chipin lol crazy whool says:

    WTF

  40. Francisca Lemos says:

    Kkkkkkkk kaakkakakakaka

  41. MrMagma Sega says:

    Fuck you jonthan and jontahns dad

  42. The Sonic Exe Lover 9999 says:

    Wtf

  43. Jakub Fišera says:

    dad is stupit!

  44. Jakub Fišera says:

    stupit pilot!

  45. Connor Jayne says:

    im never watching these again im so sad cuz of the horse

  46. Fade gacha :3 says:

    Wait what were the milk people gonna do with the normal dude…..

  47. Jayden North says:

    what kind of demonic s*** is this

  48. Jayden North says:

    he kill the damn horse to get an Xbox

  49. Andrew Kriz says:

    ok

  50. Kobbey Jazz Gabonada says:

    14:35 🤣

  51. Sonic o ouriço Universo pudim 2 says:

    It's a green hill for Sonic the hedgehog

  52. Ana Cortez says:

    The last one just made me cry

  53. Remus’s Epic Channel says:

    Does anyone question how a freaking ghost kills a full grown millionaire? Also how does replying to an email enlarge your dick?

  54. Kai Ehrenbrandtner says:

    Love the saw reference

  55. Harvie Park says:

    100mil pewds

  56. Just _Kratos says:

    xbocks

  57. putri htcrew says:

    pity. this not good for child to see this cartoon…hmmm

  58. farishamsafran8 says:

    aaaaa

  59. RodeeJayCuyno Flores says:

    WAIT WHAT BUT IT'S JUST LIKE SAW

  60. RodeeJayCuyno Flores says:

    WHAT THE XBOX

  61. RodeeJayCuyno Flores says:

    HEY WAIT A MINUTE HE'S DAD IS JOHN KRAMER ALSO KNOWN AS JIGSAW

  62. RodeeJayCuyno Flores says:

    I TOLD YOU PEOPLE TO TURN OFF YOUR LAPTON AND TABLET'S

  63. Asia Zupeti says:

    👎👎👎👎👎

  64. Jairus Chan says:

    I don’t understand “the pregnancy” episode. Any good soul out there willing to share their insight. Thank you

  65. Lucia Quiñones says:

    Que demonios te pasa hijo de de puta

  66. Salubrious Succ says:

    Whats with the pregnancy one

  67. Apple pop Edmond says:

    Wow who does that

  68. Braiel Lucas says:

    🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕

  69. Cøaster Crazy Caleb says:

    Not gonna lie the last one made me lose it because he was using his d**k to push people around!

  70. Adam andhisbestfriend says:

    12:00 what is he doing
    1. Looking at the butt
    2. Taking out the baby

  71. Jamon Rose says:

    Can someone tell me what the song is called, the one that the pianist played when they were about to fall off the cliff

  72. Maria Susanu says:

    Ce cacat

  73. D Green Dragon says:

    Man guys what twisted animations do you do!

  74. Aiden Seybold says:

    "Junk Mail" 15:39

  75. Tudo Misturado says:

    QUE POHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA FOI ESSA NO COMEÇO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??!!

  76. Amelia Casey says:

    That farther is brutal

  77. Barry Bartlett says:

    As funny as cancer.

  78. sanicboy279 Cow says:

    Rip pony

  79. Season4Life says:

    Thumbnail

  80. Jessica Melendez says:

    What why the pony

  81. DragonPulse 12301 says:

    JEFFY GOT demonetised AND NOT THIS!!!

  82. PrixorFan says:

    The bird crying on big dick man Got me crying

  83. Sarah Hasan says:

    Haaaa

  84. S Beck says:

    email. xd

  85. neko neko says:

    Pinochio actually became a doll with a drill in the ass😂😂😂

  86. Tiger Production says:

    Täis needus to be a TV show.

  87. Peter Sagat says:

    2:15: plane yaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

  88. Peter Sagat says:

    3:50 this is a cool snowy mountain

  89. Peter Sagat says:

    5:58: whey fall of but doesnt die xd

  90. Peter Sagat says:

    check out 8:06 because its soooo funny

  91. Peter Sagat says:

    8:15: ITS FREAKING 5 WEIGHT AND CANT LIFT?!?!?!!?!?!?!

  92. Peter Sagat says:

    i mean 8:12

  93. Peter Sagat says:

    8:22: how the heck can he lift at 100 weight?!?!?!?!?!?/hes not lifting properly

  94. Peter Sagat says:

    8:29: another?!?!!?!??

  95. Peter Sagat says:

    8:35 poor guy why he doing that

  96. Peter Sagat says:

    8:39 the poor guy hes going to get squished D:

  97. Peter Sagat says:

    9:00 TITANIC IS SINKIIIIIING

  98. Peter Sagat says:

    I MEAN 9:12

  99. LiamYT says:

    I feel so bad for the kids on big sausage pizza and even worse it was a 7th b-day

  100. I’m_Sinister says:

    I’m so confused

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