Payday 2 Hardcore Henry Crossover Abridged

(record scratch) DALLAS: Yeah, that’s me! DALLAS: So you may be wondering how I got here, well that’s a funny story! Of course, it involves clones and s**t, so you’re gonna need to do your homework first. ELEPHANT: And that’s when I looked at the place and realized “Wow! I’m in the wrong line of work”. DALLAS: I’ve been told that, yes. ELEPHANT: So I got some gold and, bought one of my own. DALLAS: Is this the only reason you brought me here? ELEPHANT: Look at it, it’s got a helipad and everything! DALLAS: Do you have a job for us or not?! ELEPHANT: Yes Dallas, you see, I need your help to keep the deposit. DALLAS: Oh Jesus Christ. ELEPHANT: So the take is I’m sending you to Russia to steal the Kremlin. DALLAS: The… I… uh… isn’t that like an entire- DALLAS: Whoa, what the f**k Apple?! Screw the headphone jack, this is awesome! WAITRESS: Here’s your White Russian. DALLAS: And, what’s your name beautiful? WAITRESS: Shuretu. DALLAS: Shuretu… is that Russian? WAITRESS: Yes actually! I come from a long line of Disuns. DALLAS: Well, can I take you home tonight? WAITRESS: Oh gross, no! You sound like the collective corpses of all the dead Marlboro Men. DALLAS: I’ve been… told that… yes. ELEPHANT: See that dude over there? DALLAS: The one with the s**ty wig? ELEPHANT: He’s my landlord. DALLAS: I hate you. ELEPHANT: I’m in some deep s**t with him so I cut a deal: get him a new property in a week, or I lose my deposit. DALLAS: And your plan is to… steal the Kremlin? ELEPHANT: Hear me out- DALLAS: I don’t wanna hear anything… at all… anymore. AKAN: Oh hi Dallas. DALLAS: Wh… are you Tommy Wiseau- AKAN: *demonic voice* YOU WILL REFER TO ME ONLY AS JOHNNY. DALLAS: What the F**K was in my drink?! AKAN: And you I didn’t want to worry about anything because you were loyal to me. WAITRESS: Okay, look bub I just work here, and- AKAN: You are tearing me apart Shuretu! DALLAS: Disun! DIMITRY: Juan. AKAN: I did not hit her! I did not! DALLAS: *thinking* (Ugh… I was not prepared for this. You can’t, BE, prepared for this.) DALLAS: (Why do we even take contracts from this guy anymore? We’ve got plenty of other-) DALLAS: (OH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENED?!) DALLAS: (Well since those guys got Kill Bill’d and Atomic Blonde…ed, I guess I should let the crew know that-) JIMMY: ‘Ello. DALLAS: THIS IS WHY I USE BOTS. JIMMY: So I captured your little gang. Impressive, right? DALLAS: Not really, this happens a lot. HOXTON: F**k you, Dallas! DALLAS: I’m over here. JIMMY: Brain damage will do that to a man. DALLAS: My God… what the f**k did you do to him?! JIMMY: What? Nothing! I… I just, kind of assumed- DALLAS: What do you mean “assumed”, assumed what? JIMMY: Sigh… I don’t wanna be offensive, ya’know? Keep my privilege in check. CHAINS: Appreciated, but what the f**k are you on about? JIMMY: You ARE the Paycheck Gang, right? DALLAS, HOXTON, CHAINS: (various upset noises) WOOF: SOMETIMES I WISH I STILL WAS DALLAS: No, we’re the PayDAY Gang, Bain’s crew! JIMMY: Did I get the wrong f**king room AGAIN?! CHAINS: Well wait, what happened last time? (SOUNDS OF SEVERAL OBNOXIOUS VOICES TALKING OVER EACHOTHER) JIMMY: AAAAAHHH! (gunfire, bodies hitting floor) VOICE: THE CAR-4- (gunfire) JIMMY: Rogue division. WOOF: MY BRETHREN ARE LOST BUT THE WAR RAGES ON JIMMY: You know, I was gonna offer you double money. CHAINS: For what? JIMMY: The Kremlin. DALLAS: OH MY GOD. JIMMY: But, frankly, you’re not the illustrious Paycheck Gang I thought you were. WOOF: THAT’S RUDE AND ALSO THANK YOU JIMMY: I feel like… everyone has betrayed me. DALLAS: Don’t you f**king say it. JIMMY: I’m fed up with this world! DALLAS: What is WRONG with everybody toda- (gunshot) DALLAS: …ahh… CHAINS: And just what the F**K was that?! DALLAS: Well, if he wasn’t going to do it I was. HOXTON: Does no one care about me?! Getting some serious prison b***h PTSD over here! (snorting) DALLAS: Either someone is snorting cocaine or Houston is using his Neti Pot again. CHAINS: Wait, where is Houston anyways? HOUSTON: So you’re telling me that you wanna… ELEPHANT: Steal the whole Kremlin, yes. (silence) HOUSTON: I’m in. HOXTON: Who the f**k cares?! Seriously though, this is triggering me… WOOF: ARE YOU THE ROOM SERVICE I CALLED MANY DAYS AGO JIMMY: WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! WOOF: YES THAT’S WHAT I ORDERED DALLAS: That’s… not how inspire works. JIMMY: DO YOU HAVE, ANY IDEA, HOW F**KED UP I AM?! DALLAS: Yeah a bullet in your skull will do that, what the f**k?! JIMMY: Because you all must be TWICE as f**ked if you’re letting Akan steal the Kremlin! DALLAS: Sigh, I missed my chance to shoot you before, I get a chance to shoot you again… DALLAS: BUT I’M TOO CONFUSED TO TAKE IT! CHAINS: Double the offer and we’ll steal it for you instead. DALLAS: IT’S A BUILDING, CHAINS! Like, multiple buildings actuall- JIMMY: I’ll give you triple! DALLAS: SOMEONE END ME. WOOF: THAT’S AT LEAST THREE TIMES AS MUCH HOXTON: No… NO Big Mike, not the bleach! JIMMY: So, the plan is, we’ll bomb the Kremlin, pick up the pieces, yeah? And put it back together on my front lawn. (silence) JIMMY: It will look GREAT! WOOF: (to tune of Daytona Let’s Go Away) DISTRICT OF COLUMBIAAAAAAAAAAAAAA… CHAINS: How the f**k is Woof the only one of us with a license? DALLAS: DUI. HOXTON: Road rage. JIMMY: Awh! Funny story! This was this old lady, yeah? And- CHAINS: No no no, this story doesn’t end with you running her over, right? JIMMY: No, no! Of course not! CHAINS: Phew. JIMMY: …but her kids! DALLAS, HOXTON, CHAINS: (grossed out sounds) WOOF: HELLO TROLL WHO GUARDS THIS BRIDGE, WE WISH YOU WILL GRANT US PASSAG- EVERYONE: (screaming, Jimmy is cheering in delight) DALLAS: I NEEEEEED A MEDI- HOXTON: We all do, you w**ker! SWAT 1: Okay troops, that’s them! They’re literally trapped inside of a tiny metal box. SWAT 1: All we have to do is shoot at a stationary target! SWAT 2: But sir, what about escalation of force? SWAT 1: They violated the Geneva Convention fifty times for a TROPHY. I don’t give a s**t what- SWAT 2: Heh, they’re right here! SWAT 1: No, NO, why would you DO THAT?! (gunfight breaks out) SWAT 1: GOD D****T. DIMITRY: One deag! One deag! One deag! JIMMY: Holy S**T! DALLAS: Shhhh! JIMMY: That was f**king MENTAL! CHAINS: Shut up! We don’t want them to know we’re here! HOXTON: I think they know, Chains. WOOF: I’M FINE, THANK YOU FOR ASKING DIMITRY: (deep breaths) DIMITRY: су*а бл*ть DALLAS: Okay, we all brought Sicario, right? CHAINS: Yeah! Without Houston breathing down our necks we can go all meta and s**t. HOXTON: I’d argue it’s not exactly meta. DALLAS: Well, the meta seems to be shifting away from dodge entirely. CHAINS: You can use it with armour, though. HOXTON: Yeah, but I’d rather just have Anarchist to be fair. DALLAS: Well what about free players? HOXTON: What about em?! CHAINS: Hohoh! Harsh. HOXTON: Eh, they have no skills, s**t guns, and their masks might as well be made out of duct tape! JIMMY: Eheheh…. HOXTON: F**KER. WOOF: I CAN BREATHE AT LONG LAST DALLAS: Alright, I got my music ready to go! CHAINS: Ahh, Biting Elbows? DALLAS: Nah, they’re copyrighted. But I got the next best thing! (Break the Rules plays) DALLAS: Wow, these pictures look like S**T. DALLAS: Do they not have any colo- DIMITRY: Nyet. (gunshot) (outro music plays) Hello everybody, I’m Connor Shaw! I usually don’t talk over my outros, but this was a pretty special video for me. First up I wanted to thank Maria, Pease and my buddy Alex for recording voice lines for me. Super appreciated! Couldn’t have done it without you guys! I mean, I probably could have, but it would have sounded a lot worse. Next I wanted to thank my Patrons, you can see all their names scrolling by. The support I’ve been given over there is just insane, thank you! Supporting gets you access to my semi-exclusive Discord. You don’t have to pay to get into it, but it’s an easy way to do so… …and at certain tiers some free PAYDAY stuff, check it out if you’re interested! And then the big thing: you. THANK YOU ALL FOR 40,000 SUBSCRIBERS! Right then, I hope you enjoyed. Thanks for watching, and take it easy!

100 comments on “Payday 2 Hardcore Henry Crossover Abridged”

  1. Poop Looser64 says:

    Nice change of paste

  2. Kungfu Kitten says:

    Spoilers for hardcore henry

    Henry chops Akans head off

  3. TheBreakingBenny says:

    This was done too late, I'm afraid. Sicario perk deck and Anarchist did not exist when Jimmy was introduced.

  4. Life Hacks Youtube Dude with the Rock says:

    What the fuck is going on

  5. Konrad Żukowski says:

    We bomb the Kremlin, pick up the pieces ye and put them back together in my front lawn… It sound like a plan.

  6. Gacha_Scoops says:

    At 4:28 u can hear that it say the troll on that bridge please let us pass!XD

  7. That Faggot says:

    * OH MY GOD *

  8. The Raven says:


    This made me laugh so fucken hard

  9. vernier moon says:

    Getting some real Seto Kaiba Vibes here

  10. Swae says:

    So the plan is, bomb the kremlin, pick up the pieces, and put it back together on my front lawn

  11. Eyeless Trinity says:

    “So, the plan is, we’ll bomb the Kremlin, pick up the pieces, yeah? And put it back together on my front lawn…..”


  12. 2-Way_Intersection says:

    i lke too think that everyone is like at least level 5 infamy and woof is just a level 7-9 that they keep bringing along

  13. Krydala says:

    Why have i only found this now… I love this so much. Damnit if i hadn't subscribed to another video a few minutes ago i most definitely would've done so now xD This is gold. xD

  14. pcandpsplayer International Gaming says:

    u havent understood Wolf is gone houston is there. dallas chains and the hox hous tons

  15. ELECTRIC MELON says:


  16. Madyln Immetosi says:

    do they not have any colored pri- dead

  17. Simon I Troisdorfer says:

    1:42 ''Red girl has been kicked from the game by host''

  18. Falconmist says:

    New Heist
    Day 1 Steal Money
    Day 2 Steal Bank
    Day 3 Steal Kremlin
    Day 4 Steal Russia
    Day 5 Steal Europe
    Day 6 Steal Earth
    Day 7 Steal Solar System
    Day 8 Steal God
    Day 9 Make Deal With The Mendoza's
    Day 10 Open Safes
    Day 11 Steal Vodka
    Day 12 Profit

  19. Some Puertorican kid says:

    4:48 fucking had me

  20. Lucas Jobagy says:

    On par with the Yu-Gi-Oh abridge

  21. Chordz Chaotix says:

    Holy Shit! Shhhhhhh! That was fucking mental!

    Shut up!we don't want them to know we're here!

    I think tha ey know chains

    I'm fine thank you for asking☺

  22. Frrost says:

    Maria as Jimmy

    I can work with this

  23. Runic Soup says:

    Wolf: Are you the room service I called many days ago?



  24. RoosterJacket says:


  25. Perry says:

    Make more pls

  26. The auditor says:

    Shaw is like talking really loud when he lost his voice lol

  27. FXMaster says:

    "Is this the paycheck gang"
    I can't breathe.

  28. Station says:


  29. Aaron Millan says:


  30. Cagatay yıldız says:

    Fucking cringe dallas voice

  31. Razz says:

    you're tearing me apart LISA

  32. FireMaster2994 says:

    CAR 4

  33. nukeman1303 says:

    5:25 you did not just do that 😂

  34. voltsy says:

    wait how's hoxton sound like hoxton?

  35. Riley Delorme says:


  36. Red Death says:

    I get with what you did with that womans name at the start. SureTo DieSoon

  37. Omar Mejia says:

    Wait if you shoot a dead body or yourself and the other person dies whats that?

  38. Matt Fox says:


  39. Heitor Silva says:

    Colored printers?

  40. Herbert says:

    Hilarious, that's all I have to say.

  41. kevobot 93 says:

    What was the song use at the end of the video

  42. 2004 Volkswagen Beetle says:

    5:25 cyka blyat

  43. A Concerned User says:

    "A line of DIE-SOONS"
    Quite subtle foreshadowing.

  44. Shea Ferguson says:


  45. Red _ says:

    “We bomb the kremlin, pick up the pieces yeah, and put it back together on my front lawn….ITALL LOOK GREAT!”

  46. ThunderBolt says:


  47. The Gibuscorn says:


  48. danny Lopez says:

    Why did the radio man say bitch whore in Russian

  49. the algorithm says:

    5:57 i can't stop laughin😂😂😂😂😂

  50. the algorithm says:

    I did not hit her i did not

  51. Facundno Bueno says:

    Woof is my husbando

  52. Zygimantas Bielskis says:

    District of columbiaaaaa.

  53. SOS Orion says:

    This isn't entirely accurate (the voices) but holy shit this cracked me up.

  54. Wille Boi says:

    why dosent wolf have any gloves

  55. Mat says:

    when the difficulty rebalance and the silencer skill is gone this happened to connor

  56. Sporkipine says:

    This is stupid but really good

  57. u mad bro? says:

    Are you going to make more Payday 2 abridged in the future?

  58. Your Friendly Neighborhood Jet Dealer says:

    We'll bomb the kremlin.
    Pick up the pieces.
    And put it back together again.

    That actually seems like something jimmy would say.

  59. Sanjar Khan says:

    We need an April 1st joke from Overkill where the crew is changed to the Paycheck crew voiced by Connor.

  60. Lawrence Villasenor says:

    3:36 LOLOLOLOL
    dats what u get for calling room service

  61. Abdullah Al-mofadee says:

    5:52 i was the only one who knew how to play pd2 from all the f2p players

  62. Micheal Broscht says:

    Oh hi bain

  63. Conn D. says:

    Hardcore Henry was fucking retarded but it was fun

  64. izi nagami says:

    Chains: “And their masks might as well be made out of duct tape”

    jimmy puts on mask made out of duct tape

    Chains “fucker!”

    I’m dead

  65. Ahegao God says:

    Finally some good fucking content

  66. camilo gonzalez :3 says:

    Tiene francés la wea y no español

  67. Oscar Martinez says:

    Hes my landlord xD

  68. Oscar Martinez says:

    This is amazing

  69. ZeroDeroRero says:

    I think if something happened in prision with hoxton involved would be him the traumatic event though i get the comedic pourposes

  70. Bydeph Cardona says:

    Thanks for the french traduction

  71. NightPancake 111 says:

    "I N E E D A M E D I C B A G"
    "We all do ya wanker!"

  72. games56 says:

    WTF was in my drink dallas

  73. crash2262 says:

    offshore payday abridged when

  74. {Lordismael} Roblox Gaming says:

    5:27 CYKA BLYAT

  75. Lufroloc says:


  76. Fearsomebeast 13 says:

    2:43 kinda Sounds like shadow

  77. PECSRIK says:

    this is funny

  78. Monkey Killer says:

    4:28– 4:38 best 10 seconds of my life!

  79. Mega Moose says:

    (2:48) wolf my brotheren

    Wolf 2017

  80. BritishCamper says:

    6:24 jimmy is way better then Henry

  81. alex marshall says:

    While this was funny and all, something’s still bothering me: did Huston successfully steal the kremlin?

  82. Goose McBruce says:

    Wow, a year ago stealing a country in payday was a stupid concept

  83. 「Succi」 says:

    0:18 my brain heurt

  84. Asteristhemau5 says:

    did i hear Marioinatophat's voice?

  85. Asteristhemau5 says:

    i knew it!!

  86. CaptainDreadEye says:

    Which part of the Geneva Convention was the trophy?

  87. smol toaster pastry says:

    sure to die soon

  88. Emerald Fox says:

    I need a medic
    We all do wanker

  89. Nap Runner says:

    "ONE DEAG"

  90. messed up pathetic trash says:

    Im suprised Bain wasnt yapping to them all the time

  91. Jimmeh Rulez says:


  92. Jimmeh Rulez says:


  93. Jimmeh Rulez says:


  94. Jimmeh Rulez says:


  95. Green6166 Green says:

    Ffs dallas bile's helicopter can lift pretty much anything! Just take the fuckin job

  96. Shit Owl says:

    1:28 im glad im not the only one who thought he sounded like tommy wiseau in the cutscene

  97. anime is good says:


  98. NewGamerOK says:

    6:35 cant stop laughing

    N Y E T

  99. Max G says:

    0:07 footage of car exploding
    Connor: Yeah, thats me. So you may be wondering how i got here. So funny story…

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