Payday 2 – PSA: Pagers, Patrols, Police Incompetence
At GenSec we highly value your valuables and place a premium on security. Hello, my name is Jacob Fallere, Vice President at GenSec, and allow me to talk you through some our finest cutting edge security measures. Our highly trained personnel pays the utmost
attention to anything out of place. We always contact our guards to inquire whether everything is fine mere seconds after any suspicious noise from our pager system. If there is no
response after 12 seconds, we immediately send in the troops. On the fifth suspicious
call, our pager responder will freak out for having to do too much work on one day, and
we will also send in a murdersquad to fuck shit up. That is how serious we are about
safety. With these security measures in place, there
is no way that any intruder will eliminate multiple of our guards simultaneously without
the alarm going off…. – Actually, that’s not entirely true… What? There is a way? – Yeah. Isn’t that…bad? – Euh, kinda. Can people just murder
us without the alarm going off? – Uhuh. Is this still recording? – Yep. Ahem. Our guards will tirelessly patrol your premises making sure that nobody can hide anywhere. Oh wait, I’m getting a call. Yes?
What’s up. Sir, I’ve encountered a door.
– Ah yes, open it, I assume you’ve read the ‘How to Properly Guard Shit’ manual?
Yes Sir, but doors are from chapter 5, ‘What to do when shit goes hot’. And Sir? ‘Shit has not gone hot’, I…
I don’t know what to do with doors….Sir. – Huh….well…euh, just, go around then. Yes sir! But I’ve been ordered to patrol
to the ledge outside so….I’m…I’m just going to stand here, ok?
Yes, yes, whatever. Maintaining the efficiency of our patrols,
our guards will ignore areas closed off behind doors making sure their time is not wasted.
With the help of advanced algorithms, our patrol routes cover almost everything. ~ owl hoot ~ … What, what do you mean they actually just
wander around at random between some waypoints? Seriously, is that how this works?
Shit, I need to read our memo’s more often. How the hell am I going to sell this… Our guards are purpose trained to certain
areas, some love the outdoors, whereas others are better at patrolling inside, and still
others just love to guard doors. To make no intruders go unnoticed, our guards will periodically
walk between waypoints in their area of expertise, almost entirely at random so as to utterly
confuse any potential miscreant. While it might look like we just wander around aimlessly,
this is merely to confuse any mischievous onlooker. If we suddenly notice that our patrols have
gone missing… what the hell, do our patrols go missing? This is normal? Christ. We will
send an additional unit to the area to make sure that everything in alright. This supplementary
security measure is only available on a limited basis. If the new patrol finds nothing out
of the ordinary after a thorough investigation, he’ll leave the area again, because apparently
nobody I’m working with wants to put in any effort. We at GenSec value your money more highly
than we do our own employees, and in the case things go tits up, we’re delighted to send
you hordes of disposable mooks that will valiantly throw themselves into gunfire, or even ordinary
fire, if the situation demands it. Because your money is our profits. Stay safe, stay out.