Payday 2 Webseries Abridged

Houston: Robbing banks with your friends is fun I mean we’ve hit this bank 50 or 60 times already You think they would’ve shutdown or invested in better security. And I mean, maybe I should invest in better friends Chains: Da fuck you say to me? Houston: NOTHIN’! Nothin’!… Some say we’re modern-day Robin Hoods… And others they say we’re dangerous clown fuckerinos… And I mean, just because they’re right doesn’t mean that- Chains: Da fuck you speakin’ to? Bitch there’s only me and Woof here. Woof: I told you to call me Wolf! Houston: Heh-You’re no Wolf kid. And what’s with that Wig? Woof: My beautiful locks will please millions! Chains: Why da fuck we let a paycheck guy in here? Houston: Eh.. He’s part of the benefits program… Woof: Just call me Robert Banks because I will rob- Houston: Don’ ac’ dumb! Woof: [Muffled] I love it when he says that! Houston: Newton said for every action there’s a reaction or some shit, I didn’t really pay attention in school. That’s… kind of how I ended up here. Am I a criminal? I don’t think so. Chains: Yeah you are, and you’re fuckin nuts too! TO WHOM YOU BE SPEAKIN!? Woof: Are we stealth? Chains: [Sarcastically] Yeah, we just packed these assault rifles for fuckin looks! Woof: Statistically speaking, the CAR-4 is very effective for both stealth and- Houston: DON’T. ACT. DUMB!
Chains: Shut the fuck up [“Fusebox” starts playing] *smack* Chains: Everybody down on the fucking ground! Down now! I understand that these floors are very clean, but if y’all find some dirt be sure to eat that- Houston: Chains we talked about this! *gunshot* Houston: WOOF WHAT THE FUCK?! Woof: I forgot my cable-ties… Houston: Goddamnit… Ladies and gentlemen this is a bank robbery! We are robbing this- Civie #235: I will not stand for this! I have my- *pain sound* Houston: We are robbing the bank, not you! If you just comply- Civie #235: *groan* YOU CANNOT TAKE, AWayy, my free- *prod and pain sound* Houston: Just comply, and you won’t fuckin-! Civie #235: I-I.. *repeated prodding and pain sounds* *police sirens* Dallas: Excuse me, sir.. Would you like to try some JAW BREAKERS? Houston: That was lame! Dallas: [Annoyed] Get to the vault! Chains: O-k, how we get in then? Houston: D-Do-You mean you didn’t bring the drill? Chains: I thought you had it! Woof: Was that the orange bag with the metal bits and bobs? Houston: Yes! Woof: Oh, I threw that stuff out to make room for my MANY different CAR-4’s! Houston: YOU CONFORMIST PRICK! Dallas: Just take a teller, Goddammit! Chains: But Wolf isn’t here! Dallas: NOT WHAT I MEANT!
Woof: [quietly] I’m right here Houston: Follow me MOVE MOVE! The fuckin pathfinding sucks! Dallas: [addressing the civies] Keep your cool everybody, We’re only recovering the money that was stolen by this bank from the American people And keeping it for ourselfs. So fuck you Chains: Bag it up, double time! C’mon, c’mon! Houston: Hurry! Hurry! Woof: Are we going to pick the deposit boxes-? Houston: Shut the fuck up! Generic Swat #73: Alright troops, move out! Ok team, aim for the bad guys. Just point your guns at them and- Generic Swat #74: SUPPRESSING FIRE!! *gunshots* Houston: WOAH, WOAH! Generic Swat #73: [Faintly] You’re all fucking worthless! *Lots of gunshots* (These guys have Fully Loaded or something?) *more gunfire* [“Break the Rules” starts to play] Dallas: Let’s BREAK, your face! Really put my fist into it, bust it an’ bruise it! *Gunshots*
Houston: YOU’RE SUCH A GOD DAMN NERD! Dallas: SHUT UP AND THROW ME THE BAGS! Houston: Heeee-UP (Wow that’s a sad throw) *more gunfire* Dallas: Yeah, who’s the nerd now you fucking soft baller? Chains: Why didn’t you get transporter bitch? Houston: Fuck the meta! Dallas: That’s not even a meta thing, it’s just good! Houston: Just Swan Song it you conformist douchebag! Dallas: [Frustrated] Fuck! *continued gunfire* (WHERE IS ALL THE AMMO COMING FROM?) Dallas: Oh! They all missed, neat! Swat #73: [faintly] I hate all of you! Dallas: Now send Woof! Chains: He doesn’t have swan song! Dallas: Yeah.. but, I don’t care if he dies. Woof: I’m going to report you to the benefits committee. Dallas: Wow! These cops are tragic! Woof: They should consider using the CAR-4- Dallas: Shut it, and leg it! Houston: Fuck! I’m all out! (Finally) Chains: Well did you bring ammo? Houston: I-I will not be a slave- Chains: [Angered] Well what did you bring then? Houston: Promise you won’t be angry? Chains: CHAINS IS ALREADY MAXIMUM ANGRY. Houston: I brought ecms…. Chains: Wuh? Dallas: So, hey buddy, aside from, you know, forgetting the drill, killing innocents and almost ruining everything, you’re doing a pretty good job. Woof: I would be honored to join your cause. Dallas: Dooon’t get ahead of yourself. Houston: WELL I THOUGHT THERE’D BE ATMS! Chains: First off, we’re already emptying the goddamn vault, why bother with atms? Second, if you wanted em’ so bad why not bring a FUCKIN SAW? Houston: I didn’t have the skill points! Chains: Cause you spent it all in shinobi bitch! Fuck!
*gunshot* Houston: Ah, shit! Generic Swat #75: I have trained for years in the art of had to hand comb- DAAGH-EEEE Houston: Yo, check it out, I’m John Wick! Houston: Yo, check it out, I’m John Wick!
*Two Gunshots* Chains: You mean you a cheap knock-off of the original? Chains: You mean you a cheap knock-off of the original?
*gunshot* Dallas: Hey, if you’re so obsessed with the CAR-4, Then why did you bring a shotgun? Woof: Thanks to the addition of “Donald’s Horizontal Leveler”, Shotguns excel in situations such as- Dallas: Forget I asked! Right, now we wait for the other two to go into custody so we can bail. Woof: MY CAR-4s! (oh shit waddup) Vlad: Such a big cash withdrawal? Dallas: Could you possibly be any more of a stereotype? Fuck! Vlad: [Something in Russian] Chains: Look, I ain’t saying you need to bring the light crossbow and chinapuff every game Ok? Just, you know, keep in mind what the team needs my man. Houston: Yeah, alright, yeah I’m sorry man I’m gonna apologize to Dallas as soon as we get- Chains: Oh they got caught.
(no shit) Houston: USELESS CONFORMIST SHITS! Vlad: I know the situation looks bad! But I have a very good explanation so- Chains: Don’t suppose it’s to talk about the election? Dallas: Not now Chains! Vlad: Bain! Asked me to find you. Houston: And why wouldn’t he tell us? Chains: Yo, uhhh… I had him muted. Dallas: Uhh, me too. Houston: Wait…shit! Woof: Oh! I thought those voices were inside my own head! Vlad: We drink, we talk, huh? Have some vodka; Excellent vodka! Houston: WE GET IT YOU’RE RUSSIAN! Dallas: Alright, time for me to go back to the bank that we just robbed. Chains: [sarcastically] Yeah, like that won’t we suspicious at all.. Dallas: Ok bro, in a second I’m gonna need you to punch me in the f- *DAAUGGhhh* (Dallas is down!) Uhgg… A-alright thats good- Houston: WHERE IS YOUR KINGPIN NOW!?
*repeated “daaugh”s* Dallas: FUCK! I NEEEEEEEEE- (A medic bag?) Bain: Guys, are you there? LISTEN TO ME, GODDAMMIT! Woof: [over radio] I am hearing you loud and clear head voice! 😉 Bain: FUUCK! Subtitles brought to you be ChickenUniverse

100 comments on “Payday 2 Webseries Abridged”

  1. Madyln Immetosi says:

    i just noticed that the "SHUT THE FUCK UP" thing was a play on the inspire line

  2. SGTsmith59 says:

    I've never cringed harder.

  3. UnscriptedRex says:

    my car 4s!

  4. CHAXS BXY says:


  5. SkifaX0n says:


  6. Outlaw says:

    The most annoying this is when you go loud with infamous and they don't got Swan Song 🙁

  7. i am geas says:

    Fucking love it!!!!

  8. LoganGamerTV says:

    overkill you should make him wolf

  9. Nanzat Batorov says:

    Wolf didn't use the CAR4

  10. Long Ge says:

    "Am i a criminal?

    I don't think so."

    "Yeah you are and you're fukin' nuts too!"

  11. Tavish DeGroot says:


  12. Antal Gergő says:

    “We are only recovering the money that the government has stolen from the american people.

    And keeping it for ourselveves.

    So fuck you”

  13. Killa Queen says:

    The guard is still alive the melee is shit

  14. May Day says:

    ,,Hey look i am Dumb Wick,, That moment lol

  15. David Adu says:

    1:40 Horton’s blow job lol

  16. silviu ciortan says:

    I beg you to please not do an action that currently would make you not look extremely intelligent.

  17. nunyo biznez says:

    Eat dat dirt

  18. Fifty1neVk says:

    Knowing the swedish language, Wolf's actor is 100% accurate

  19. roy kennedy says:


  20. nukeman1303 says:

    Actual robbers: GET THE FUCK DOWN
    Connor: excuse me, I’ll be expecting you to sit on the floor calmly and please do not attempt to call the authorities to this crime scene or I will be forced to inevitably end your life. Please think about your family and no one will be hu-
    Ah, the police are here

  21. John Kirsch says:

    2:18 True dat. Just two days ago I had my stealth ruined by a hostage somehow WALKING OVER AWALL.

  22. FireMaster2994 says:

    "We're recovering money stolen by first world bank from the American people, and keeping it for ourselves, so fuck you.

  23. DimentiosLoyalest says:

    "I NEED-"
    I've never felt so cockblocked in my life.

  24. Woofy says:

    "Alright Troops Move out! Ok team aim for the bad guys, just point your guns at them an" SUPPRESSING FIIIIIIIRE! YOUR FUCKING WORTHLESS

  25. kittyface :3 says:

    Average pd2 pub bankheist

  26. Jake ,MB says:

    Houston ECM Sorry Chains ECM Houston

  27. Doctor of Skillz says:

    M Y C A R 4 's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  28. Gabriel Robinson says:

    The lion rifle is better than the car 4

  29. ZTORONS newman says:

    Need to make more i like this vidoes

  30. Riley Delorme says:

    "Don't act dumb"

  31. Omar Mejia says:

    Inspired me to use Car 4

  32. Red Death says:

    Pubs in a nutshell

  33. AA L says:


  34. Dis guy says:

    I want that voice for wolf in the next update for new quotes
    He can replace the medic spotted quotes

  35. Starchie Halo says:


  36. Trent Steinau says:


  37. Oisin Lynch says:


  38. Miqu says:


  39. Hexaria Noob says:

    ARE WE STELF?????

  40. combomaster 6 says:

    "Don't act dumb!"

  41. Orange Lad says:

    Its actually hilarious

  42. Hadashiun Lewis says:

    When Rooster Teeth makes a Payday 2 series

  43. Gabriel Izer says:

    1:08 pat

  44. hammer DMX says:

    Nice dumb screenshot!

  45. SCP-096 says:

    Every single public hiest ever

  46. The Nodger says:

    Wolf’s obsession with the CAR-4 lol

  47. Mat says:

    car4 = best gun ever -connor shaw

  48. AzingGaming says:

    Your chains impression LMAO

  49. Jwbmanman says:

    9/10 because Houston should have brought suppressed sentries

  50. The Nodger says:

    shotguns exell in situations like forget I asked – grammar

  51. Illusiongaming25 /Mini Craft25 says:


  52. RandomStuff says:

    I don't get the thing about the benefits program

  53. RandomStuff says:

    Vlad will make sure we get Trump 2020

  54. Hawk Studios Gaming says:

    "Woof"/Wolf – Connor Shaw
    Chains and Houston – Haters

  55. _______________ says:

    "You're all fucking useless"

  56. Mr Blonde says:


  57. Sam Squids says:

    tHeY ShOuLd cOnSiDEr UsInG ThE cAR 4!!!!!!1!1!1!1!!!!!!!

  58. fine cuisine says:

    s p a s i b a

  59. ADVERSARY says:

    9 year old plays with his microphone

  60. TheGabbernaut says:

    "Well, what did you bring then?"
    "Promise you won't be angry"
    Is it ECMs?
    "I brought ECMs"
    lol, called it

  61. Hello, I'm normal right? says:

    God damn it Houston that's why you couldn't get better friends you used all your points in sinobi

  62. h20 SpeedZ says:

    This voice over is stupid

  63. ItzJeff says:


  64. TheKittenplays says:

    The video wasn't accurate, there was no mention of suppressor skills

  65. Wolfstein 2004 says:

    2:45 see the airsoft sticker on chains gun

  66. C001Ba30nDuD3 says:

    "Let's break your face and really put our fist into it bust it and bruise it."

  67. NightPancake 111 says:

    "Just call me Robert Banks Bc i will rob-"
    "D o n a c d u m"
    "I love it when he says that!"

  68. Skycr2t f says:


  69. skully says:

    Woof is my spirit Animal.

  70. Alpha Warhead says:


  71. Sekrit dokument says:

    Chains is super maximum angry and will kick you out of the lobby

  72. Cranks says:

    This isn't even abridged it's just connor shaws 4 different personalities talking to eachother

  73. Mr.Deadbanditblaster says:

    When I started this game I really wanted to use a foregrip because they had it in the webseries.

  74. Lasadaf says:

    Bank heist on normal in a nutshell

  75. Monkey Killer says:

    5:23 Oh! I thought those voices were inside my own head!
    haha, that's the best line ever that Woof has said!

    C A R – 4

  76. Mega Moose says:


  77. Wolfy Boi says:

    Payday wolf: smart, merciless, actually useful, loves shotguns.
    Paycheck wolf: stupid, not useful, addicted to car-4s.

  78. RIP X fo real says:

    Why is one of my fav heisters an idiot 😭🤣

  79. God But Better says:

    C A R 4

  80. Wxvey says:

    I’m so dead 😂😂😂😂

  81. Grayden Fastow says:

    his black person voice is great

  82. unfunny meme says:

    I want a mod that allows me to join the paycheck gang.

  83. Luka Radosavljevic says:

    "to whom you be speaking" best line ever

  84. Niger Taliban says:

    I BrouGhT ThE ECM's

  85. Dreden Plays says:

    guys the thermal drill go get it

  86. Emerald Fox says:

    I brought ECMs

  87. The Zewp 22 says:

    Scp Ntf Epsilon 11 in a nushell

  88. Aden Sia says:

    The Chinese dude actually said fuck you mother

  89. the internet says:

    This is something relly something i dont know what but is something

  90. KoolGuardrailBoy says:

    pub heists in a nutshell

  91. Hey Guys Im Going To Say The N Word says:

    When you doing public stealth be like

  92. Ralph does things says:

    I just love Wolfs voice

  93. JukeBoxBro's says:

    not what i was expecting, but i was still pleased

  94. Anne Dank says:

    "I brought ECMs"
    "W H A-"

  95. Meme Machine says:

    Fuck, he was running out of ideas, WHY OVERKILL WHY YOU NO UPDATE DIS SHIT?

  96. One Stupid Thing says:

    dying fuck

  97. Kayagorzan says:

    Law and order
    Special victims units

  98. Seal Stealer says:

    ARs are now mostly terrible. Shotguns, snipers, LMGs, and anything else with high DPS is the new meta.

  99. Mates Zamazal says:

    Car 4 tom

  100. NewGamerOK says:

    Got me in 2:39

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